


Mirror, Mirror

by CoffeeProse



Category: Fruits Basket, Fruits Basket (Anime 2001), Fruits Basket (Anime 2019), Fruits Basket - Takaya Natsuki (Manga)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cheating, Divorce, Drinking, Drinking to Cope, Eating Disorders, F/M, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Meant To Be, Original Character Death(s), Past Rape/Non-con, Past Relationship(s), Rape Aftermath, Sex, Smoking, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-03-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:07:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22943035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoffeeProse/pseuds/CoffeeProse
Summary: Most people have seen their reflection, but the result is twisted and deceptive. She only sees brokenness, trying to mend and repair herself with promiscuity, alcohol, cigarettes, and anything she can get her hands on. He grieves her means of coping and is overcome with a need to help her. Will she one day look at her reflection and not just see fragments, but someone who is whole?
Relationships: Sohma Hatsuharu/Sohma Rin, Sohma Yuki/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 11





	1. Borrowed Bed, Chaotic Head

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work of mine that I originally wrote on another site, and is currently being rewritten. I hope you enjoy!

**Chapter One: Borrowed Bed, Chaotic Head**

I pull back the collar on the white button down I woke up in from the night before. Traces of a red bite mark flashed me like a traffic light, daring me to go further to the bruises on my hips and the nail marks on my thighs. I bite my lip as I dare to face myself in the mirror and not hate everything I see. Every bit of rage and heartbreak and emptiness that ripped through my insides.

Every calorie, percentage of fat, and weight that my depression fed and fed my depression.

Who's shirt was this, again? Yioka? Tatsuyo?

I pathetically wrap my arms around myself as my lip trembles between my teeth. Tears that forgot last night's lapse of judgement and only remembered this present shame, blurring my eyes.

What would Makoto think about his little sister being an 'anything but girl' and a tease? Or even worse...what would he do if he knew she'd just handed off her virginity to a stranger in a borrowed, stained bed?

Desperate to tear this random person's memory to shreds and get it off me, I tug and pull and yank at the shirt. Trying to stifle my cry as buttons spring loose and free-fall to the carpet, not able to chase the thoughts away fast enough with the hangover slowing my mind to a crawl.

"Kurumi!" My mother calls, forcing a pained gasp from my lips. "Time to get your breakfast! I don't want you being late."

My rainbow eyes squeeze shut as my hands loosen around the shirt, my head dropping forward with resign. While I wanted to spin the clock backwards, the world carried on and didn't wait long enough for me to get my crap together. It had no sympathy for anyone, not even the Peacock of the Sohma, regardless of the status we held in society.

I had to put on my big girl pants, fake my smiles, and bounce off to school like I didn't just sex my grief away. Because my parents couldn't know that my resolve was as plastic as a mannequin, and broken as my heart.

...

I secure my top knot as I stagger downstairs, a soreness that feels as heavy as pressure, aching between my legs. I didn't really have any girls to tell me that putting out could hurt this much. But then...that was because they all thought I was doing it more than them, anyway. And their jealousy made no room for mall hangouts and late night text convos.

I remove my backpack and drop it by the kitchen table's legs with a thump, smoothing the back of my pleated skirt before seating myself right in the middle. My father offered me a distant smile as he sipped from his 'World's Best Husband' mug, thankful everyday that I never sat in Makoto's seat.

Even though my brother's chair sat vacant for a year, my parents acted as if going in his room or using his things (or warming his stark cold seat) were crimes against him. As if I would ever mock the death of someone I loved...especially when it was my fault.

I keep my head low as I reach for the box of Chex, not really in the mood for bright and colorful Fruit Loops. As I shake it into my cereal bowl, my father pauses in checking his e-mails. Suddenly remembering that he was supposed to ask me if I was excited for school and how my grades were.

"You know me," I say, dry as my breakfast, "School is my passion and reason to live."

He laughs, pushing his tan glasses up in that geeky way of his. "You're fortunate. It took me until I was finishing college to finally decide what I wanted to do with my life. Your brother-"

He pauses. Just as you did when you buried your child when they were meant to outlive you. The same pause that expressed itself in the lines creasing his face, put there by sleepless nights following Makoto's accident. But he quickly backpedals, his throat rolling with a bitter swallow.

"So, your grades? Are they up?"

"Honey, you know never to ask a lady her grades," my mother cuts in, bringing platefuls of steaming hot scrambled eggs and glasses of OJ to set them on the table. She bends to kiss my father on the head, before taking her place at the other end of the table. Having papers to grade and cheesy eggs to eat. She was surprisingly lenient with me about my grades considering she was a schoolteacher for people my age. Maybe between her suffocating grief and dealing with high-school students all day, by the end of it, she just couldn't muster up the energy to ask.

"Its important, sweetheart. Imagine she was before a judge having to give an account as to why her grades are low. Its no different from answering to a college admissions board. What is her alibi? Can anyone corroborate her story?"

My mom rolls her eyes, tapping her red grading pen against her plate. "I told you not to bring the courtroom home with you. It doesn't apply to every situation Mr Never-Lost-A-Case prosecutor."

He huffs, draining the last of his coffee before standing to rinse it out in the sink. "I'm merely trying to head it off at the pass. What about hiring a tutor? That Yuki fellow...is he still available?"

I nearly choke on my sip of orange juice, having believed there was an unspoken rule that exes were off limits at the kitchen table. It was a choking hazard and a one way ticket to a sick stomach.

"Are you alright?" My mom demands, jumping to her feet in terror. My father rubs my back, though he couldn't quite hide the fear that he could have just as easily lost another child. Over something so small and simple.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I fold my arms over my chest as my father retracts his hand, exchanging a look with my mother as if he didn't quite think I was telling the truth.

Why did he have to bring _him_ up? Hadn't I had my heart stomped on enough in the past twelve months?

_During my first year of high school, days after the accident, I only held apathy for living. I served on the student council that year as the school treasurer, but had agreed before the damage was done. Before my heart cracked and clunked to the floor, having turned into impenetrable stone with nothing left to keep it beating._

_I'd decided to skip a meeting one day and sat outside on the school sidewalk. I remember the overwhelming burden of darkness I felt. I'd stared up at the sky, everything devoid of life...joy. I'd been sitting there for so long, I hadn't even realized the sun had begun setting – the sky erupting in hues of pinks, purples, and blues. It wasn't until someone tapped me on the shoulder that I'd noticed how late it had actually gotten. I looked up and found myself lost in the mysterious, grey eyes of the school's prince. I'd made fun of him, addressing him as 'his highness,' in the past...but in this moment, I saw Yuki and only Yuki. Everything else around me blurred and every sound faded into background noise._

_"_ _Hello, Miss Sohma. I missed you in student council today," he said to me. "Are you alright?"_

_When I didn't answer immediately, he_ _took a seat beside me. Akito's prized possession was actually going out of his way to check up on me. And he didn't even have to. When I first heard of him, I thought he was just Akito's pet. A mindless toy at his beck and call, waiting on the head of the Sohmas hand and foot._

_But he turned out to be more than that...much more._

_"_ _I heard about the accident…I'm so sorry." His words caught me off guard. I supposed word spread quickly throughout the family. It wouldn't take long before someone knew all the skeletons in your closet with the way the old biddies flapped their lips between the halls of the main house._

_I nodded, not knowing how to respond to his condolences. I'd been hearing so many apologies and words of pity these past few days that I didn't want to hear anymore. How many ways could I thank someone for their sadness or their empty words without losing it?_

_I had managed to not cry the entire time, but not because of I was heartless or because the way he was taken wasn't uncommon. But because I didn't deserve it. Makoto deserved more than my tears...he deserved his life back._

_I had shut my emotions off, refusing to feel anything. I numbed myself so that I wouldn't be in pain. I wouldn't allow myself to sink so deep into my grief that I wouldn't be able to snap out of it._

_But something about this moment, whether it was the way Yuki looked at me with such sadness reflected in those eyes…or the hand that reached out for mine. My entire body shook like a volcano waking from its dormant state, a lump the size of Tokyo forming in my throat. A tear escaped the corner of my eye, as I looked at him. Breathing in the smell of rain on the horizon, and exhaling my pain into the air. He drew me to him, wrapping his arms around me as my heart erupted in agony from inside my chest. Yuki had been the only one to truly comfort me, the only one to see through my façade and know the deep anguish I felt…_

_It wasn't long after that we started spending more time together. Leaning on each other for the worst of life, and celebrating the heights. Being there for the wounds just as much as the relief. Our shared hurt drove us closer until next thing I knew, we were seeing each other without caring to slow down for anyone or anything._

_But Akito somehow found out about our relationship and threatened to lock me up in the cat's room…so after too short a time being together...he let me go. The rat left me to my darkness, letting me suffer and wallow in my depression alone…all because he thought I needed his protecting. I told him countless times that I could protect myself, but he never relented. He was on his white horse and I was somewhere in the troughs with the slop._

_He eventually stopped returning my texts, so things ended between us with a screeching halt. I told myself_ _that I never wanted to associate with Yuki or see him again. And for awhile...I thought that would never change._

"I think I'm going into school early," I say, instead of dignifying my father's suggestion. "I'll see you guys later." Before they could respond, I tossed my bag over my shoulder, pulled on my doc martens, and was out the door.


	2. On Edge

**Chapter Two:** **On Edge**

I crouch low as I can while being mindful of the pain still radiating between my thighs, lighting the end of my cigarette so I had something to take the edge off. My body...my soul. They were both sore and aching for the cure that sat between my fingers, a nicotine stick pinched between my teeth.

My back meets the brick wall near the dumpster as the late bell echoes through the still student parking lot, though its nothing to me as I exhale this morning's first breath of smoke. And I let my bones melt away and masked my overworked, tired brain in numbness.

This was the 48th pack of menthols I bought; I counted. From the time Makoto drew his last breath to the moment I lost a grip on mine. Smoke and ashes became closer to me than family, as my relationship with Yuki went sideways and my heart broke on an endless loop for my brother.

With Yuki no longer here to get me through the loss of my best friend, it was like the two constants in my life moved eternities apart without asking my permission.

On one of the hardest days, I left home with the intention of embracing the same future forced on my brother. If I timed it just right in a busy intersection, no one would be the wiser. I even came up with a memorable obituary.

A jaywalker crosses the street to the other side of life.

Actually, scratch that.

It was too basic.

_A jaywalker with hair as neon as a bluebird crosses the street to the other side...of life._

Better.

But...it was that one place. That one moment in time that pulled me out of my hurting heart long enough to notice the gas station that sat right on the corner of rush hour alley.

I threw the hood of my sweatshirt up to hide my face from a little girl and her big brother playing between the aisles, fast-walking to the beverage fridges in the far back. My eyes bounced from iced tea to soda until it landed on an electric green and black bottle.

Bingo.

I grabbed a bottle of Vault and tucked it in the crook of my arm, hesitating before plucking another off the shelf and closing the fridge with my foot. I moved down the candy aisle to snag nerd rope and airheads before beelining to the checkout counter. And I was surprised to find there was no line despite the few people that slipped into my awareness, just outside filling up.

A man with a long, slick ponytail, his name tag boasting the name Jun in white letters, punches something into the register before pivoting towards me. He rewarded me with a smile as I dropped my pile of junk on the counter, smoothing out his already neatly kept long dark hair.

"You find everything okay?"

I nodded silently, shoving my hands into my pockets as I listened to each beep of the scanner. I tried to keep still, but I felt jittery and on edge. Like he would somehow see right through me and know that I was planning to end everything...that I was so close, but my stomach grumbled and all of a sudden hunger mattered even though I've wanted to die for such a long time...I can't get struck by a car on an empty stomach.

He shook out a plastic bag, gingerly stuffing my things into it before pushing it towards me. "There ya go..."

I grabbed it, prepared to jet when he said, "Hey. You look like you're having a rough day. If you want, I can hook you up with a pick-me-up."

My eyebrow hiked up my forehead as I spun on my heel as if to humor him. "You talking Mary Jane or Molly? Because I only do edibles, I don't smoke my kush."

Weed I was quickly running out of because Haru was too caught up with Rin to hook me up again.

He shook his head, jabbing his thumb at the rows behind him. "I was just referring to cigs and dip, sweetheart. If you don't want to go too hard, puffs are replacing vapes. And, they just so happen to come in mint and bubblegum flavors."

I remember huffing at that, seeing no difference. "Doesn't that still have a crap ton of nicotine? Like juul?" But, then again...what did I care? COPD and lung cancer were the least of my worries.

"I suggest you give it a shot." He lifted a shoulder in a half-shrug. "You look like you could use it."

I shifted my gaze from him to the back, taking in brand after brand as far as the eye could see. Brands that my parents would skin me alive for even considering.

I'd only ever heard of Marlboros out of all of them, so that's the one I pointed at. He looked over his shoulder, following my finger. "These?"

I bobbed my head.

He grabbed a pack and wasted no time ringing it up, though my heart started thundering rapidly with adrenaline I didn't know it was capable of producing anymore.

Was I really buying cigarettes right now? Was I that desperate?

I recalled thinking that, and walking out of the store with a half-hearted 'see you soon' to the man behind the counter. But everything else after that was a blur.

Sudden footsteps startle me from my thoughts, causing me to hurriedly flick ashes aside before pinching the butt of the cigarette. As they fell closer, I made quick work of tossing it into the dumpster before ducking beside it, hoping that whoever it was just kept on walking.

Just as I was halfway between staying hidden and making a break for it, black and white hair appeared into view. And I sank back against the wall as my body flooded with relief at the sight of stormy eyes and black boots.

"You have no idea how happy I am to see you, right now," I say, clapping a hand over my racing heart.

He offers me a faint smile as he takes his place at my side, kicking up his foot to rest on the wall behind us. "I tend to do that to people."

I rolled my eyes, though I was secretly smiling to myself. He was the only one to stick around with me, aside from Kisa, after Yuki dumped me. But Haru let me bounce things off him. Even though they were friends, he never tried to talk me into making amends, and offered up his ear for my venting and his shoulder to cry on. He stood firmly in the middle, opting to not pick sides, but tried to be there for both of us the best he could.

But to this day...part of me wonders what would have been different had Haru found me on the curb that day instead of Yuki. Would Rin be his girl? Or, would I be? Would he have abandoned me too at the threat of my freedom?

"Kurumi," he says, leaning in close to sniff my hair. "Were you smoking, again?"

"I don't know." I push against him playfully, causing him to push me right back. "Were you smelling me again?"

He shakes his head, masking his concern with amusement. "I know you don't always want to talk. And I get that..." He lowers himself to the ground, staring off into the distance as I follow suit. "But...if you're still turning to that and alcohol, it scares me. And...it breaks my heart that you're still in so much pain, Kurumi." This time, he looks nothing short of dead serious as he finally faces me again. "I don't want anything to happen to you."

Out of habit, I dig through my pocket for my lighter, though my fingertips hesitate on its cool surface. Between the look he was giving me and the serious, dark turn the conversation took, I wasn't sure if it could be fixed with nicotine. But I also had an itch to scratch that I'd been interrupted in the middle of.

"That's not the only thing that concerns me..." he trails off, pointedly looking at my figure and then back to my eyes again. "I didn't want to say anything because its a sensitive issue. But, you look like you've lost a lot of weight very quickly." He rubs the back of his neck, dragging his gaze back to the student parking lot that sat several feet ahead. "You were always small, but this is...different."

I swallow, my hand tightening around my lighter until its grooves dug into my palm. "I'm just petite, Haru. Its not like I'm skipping meals."

No, the alcohol was doing the work so I didn't have to do that. Its not even that I started out thinking that I needed to lose the weight. Grief and losing sleep caused that, because that was when I actually wasn't eating much at all. But as I started to notice my clothes fitting looser and going down a dress size...I realized, that I didn't really want to put the weight back on. And, as time went on, it got harder to convince myself or remember how I was fine with the way I was before.

The mixture of dubiety and worry in his expression makes my heart hurt in all the worst places.

Should I tell him about my first time? Could I ask him if it was meant to be as awkward and painful and embarrassing as it was last night?

I fish out my carton of cigarettes and roll one between my fingers in thought.

No...no, it wouldn't be good to burden him with something else. I needed to keep my self-destruction and walks of shame to myself. He had enough on his hands from what I could tell.

"I'm gonna finish this one before heading to class," I say, shoving the cigarette between my teeth before breaking out my lighter. "If my parents find out I've been skipping, they'll send me to an all-girls school. And I like boys too much to be away for too long." I smile at him through a breath of smoke, hoping that if I sound enough like my old self, it'll throw him off of how touchy everything was.

He chooses to not comment on my weight loss any further, getting on his feet. "If you're up to it, you should come out with us tonight. The group's going ice skating and I figured you'd want to come with."

I pause mid-drag, pulling it away from my lips as I considered his gracious invitation. "You're cool with me joining? I'm not gonna be too much of a downer?"

He firmly shakes his head, moving his hands to his pockets. "You don't come to parties, Kurumi. You are the party. Besides, it'll help you take your mind off of whatever's going on with you. Everyone is pretty much set on going."

I raise my head to look at him, suspicion making my stomach roll. "What do you mean everyone?"

He clears his throat, shifting his gaze to the wall above my head. "You know...Kyo, Shigure..."

"Yuki?"

Kyo was a problem too, but I'd get to that later.

He winces, though he's quick to add, "And Kisa - who you love - and Tohru, who you've been wanting to meet forever. Plus, I'll be right there with you."

"Haru..."

"Please? You don't even have to say a word to him." He pauses as I stare at the embers burning at the end of the stick between my fingers, too annoyed to face him. "It'll be fun."

"Yeah," I say, scoffing. "It's so fun to do figure eights with my ex-boyfriend while I'm sore and exhausted. Can't think of a better way to spend my Friday night."

"Sore? Why are you sore?"

Crap. Way to go, me. My big mouth, as usual, got away from me again.

I stamp out yet another unfinished cigarette before trashing it and standing. "Never mind, I'll be there. Just keep that Hiro brat away from me."

He nods, following me as I cross the parking lot, his words soft. "Okay."

...

As soon as school let out, I took my time getting to my locker. I wasn't looking forward to an evening out with the Prince, but I did want to see Kisa and spend time with Haru…

The decision was practically out of my hands.

I spin the lock with each set of my combination, opening with a click. It gives a painful creak as a note between the slats fluttered to the floor. I shove my books into my locker before bending to pick it up, unfurling it until I could make out what it said.

_Last night was great. 10/10 would do you again._

_\- Yoshi_

Yoshi? That was his name? And what a corny note. The first guy I spent the night with had a forgettable name and a cheesy sense of humor. I was clearly winning at life.

I shove it into the darkest recesses of my locker, prepared to close the door when a photo taped to the very back catches my eye.

My brother's normally picture perfect hair is mussed and slick with sweat as he stands in his Tae Kwon Do uniform. He's red in the face but smiling from ear to ear as medals dangle from his neck and we surround him. I hold up one side of his trophy - pigtails, braces, and all - while he holds the other. And our parents look at us both with unmistakable glee.

But those days had passed the moment I left him a voicemail that sent him running after me. He wouldn't have been out that night had it not been for me.

Makoto...I'm so sorry...

I slam the door shut, not able to look at that version of us any longer. I turn around to start for home, and jump as I nearly bump into Kyo. "What the—?"

I glare at him, unsure of just how long he'd been behind me. "What the heck, Kyo? Couldn't you wear a bell around your neck instead of sneaking around?" I sock him hard in the arm, causing him to return my serve with anger of his own.

"Did you have to hit me? Sheesh." He hisses, his cat ears popping up. "Blame that idiot. We flipped for it and I lost, so he told me to get you. We're waiting outside to walk home."

Haru?

I shrug off my initial irritation, marching off to the exit. "He's not the idiot. Besides, you have no right to scare me like that. I don't care if you need to tell me someone went to the moon. I hate being startled."

Kyo rolls his eyes before running ahead of my slowpoke self, unable to walk much faster as I was still tired and uncomfortable. Though it had lessened as the day went on.

"Tell that to him, next time. Leave me out of it!"

Oh, believe me Kyo. I'd love to leave you out of a lot of things. Like, tonight, for example.

...

The ice skating rink was packed with people wall to wall. Not Kurumi friendly on a night like this. I honestly didn't think I'd be able to enjoy this outing if I tried, even though I didn't have to fear transforming. I still wasn't cool with being touched by just anyone after my one-night stand gone wrong.

Cotton candy pink and blue strobe lights slice through the room, as Kesha's older music (when she still went by Ke$ha) blasts from the speakers.

I made it a point to avoid putting on a pair of skates. Instead, I play spectator and kick back at the table everyone else left their coats and bags at to skate. It helped me form an excuse that I would be guardian of the coats while everyone else had their fun.

Tohru Honda, who I'd met half an hour ago, was like me on a good day. Bubbly, upbeat, the life of the party.

She had so much cheer to spread around, that she was happily teaching Momiji to skate as Haru glided backwards alongside them. Hiro refused to let go of Kisa on the ice and Kyo hung back close to the exit for a quick escape if needed.

I look over at the occupied chair sitting diagonally from me, before whipping back around.

Oh yeah...and Yuki was just watching, too. At least he hadn't said any—

"Hi."

I roll my eyes, choosing to ignore him and tap my fingers along to Hungover's chorus. What a time for that song to be playing while my ex was sitting less than three feet away from me.

"Kurumi—"

I groan, turning to pour years of anger and bitterness into my glare. "What do you want from me? You're the one that wanted space. You're not obligated to interact with me just because I exist."

I was being harsh with him, I know. But it was all just...too much. The Yoshi thing, the conversation with Haru, the weight of Yuki's presence. It was devouring me and there was nothing I could do but push it away without a drink or a smoke break.

Before he can get in another word edgewise and I snapped, Shigure and Ayame bustled over to save the day.

"Dinner time! Everyone gather around!" Shigure sings, making wide swooping motions with his hands. "You too, Kyo."

"Shut up!"

Ayame guffaws, throwing his arm around Shigure. "Yes, 'Gure. You have the right idea. Tonight, we dine like Kings and Queens."

...

I moved seats so that I was smack dab in the middle of Haru and Tohru, as far away from Yuki as I could get. We had pushed some tables together to make room for our large party, stacked with anything and everything they had. Nachos, pizza, hot dogs, soft pretzels, soda, and beer. All I had was a salad and a cup of water I wished I could trade for a cold one.

The conversation between them never lulled, though I remained silent and pushed around the dry salad and tomatoes to not arouse suspicion.

I could have won an Oscar for how I was selling my performance. But then, Tohru directed those bright, brown eyes at me.

"Are you shy, Kurumi? Its okay if you are. I just, well...I hoped I'd get to know you a bit."

Kyo snorts, almost gagging on his nachos and cheese. "Shy? Someone getting smashed and laid every weekend is real shy."

Haru shoots him a warning look that dares him to say something else. But I just put my hand on his arm to stop him, silently telling him I could fend for myself against this moron.

If I wanted Tohru to know the rumors, I could have sent Yuki's fanclub her way. They were the most toxic group of creatures, but they had all the tea on me. At least...what everyone believed.

I stop pretending to twirl a bite of salad, laying my plastic fork down as my already tiny appetite fades completely. I was ignoring my hunger, at first, but me being the center of attention right now completely ruined it.

The icing on the cake? Yuki couldn't even meet my eyes. He merely stirs his glass of cream soda, unable to process the scandalous embarrassment I was. Not that it mattered.

What I did and who I did it with was none of his business, and it never would be again.

...

Eventually, we went our separate ways as the night came to a close. After Kyo's stupid reveal, I'd been on edge the rest of the evening, and had to run to the bathroom to avoid anymore questions. I didn't write Tohru off to be judgmental, I just couldn't picture that…but it still didn't make the shame I felt dissipate. It picked up strength as the night carried on and thoughts of the rat's unspoken repulse filled the void between us.

I bat those thoughts off to check my phone for the time, to find it was only 10:30 pm. The night was still young, but I was beat. Emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted with the day. I attempt to rub feeling back into my arms, wondering how I would cope tonight when it came time for bed. Because as awful as it was...having someone hold me last night, even someone as lame as Yoshi, felt...better than lonely. Which was why I started in the opposite direction of my house, as if my feet were following the directions of my heart.

I kick a piece of broken glass with the toe of my yellow docs, trying to keep my mind busy as I made my way to Yoshi's. I couldn't think about anything else. It was too hard.

A quarter of the way there, someone jogs up behind me, breathing loud as a dog in the Summer. And it takes me a minute to realize its—

"Haru? How did you find me?" I dart my head around, checking that he hadn't brought a certain someone with him.

"Hey…Kurumi…why didn't….you let me…see you home?" He asks in between breaths. I slow my pace so that he could reclaim oxygen, unsure of what I could say without scaring him.

"Because, I'm not going home," I mutter, under my breath. "Not yet."

His brow furrows, his smile melting into the snowy night. "Kurumi..."

"What are you doing out here with a girl like me on a Friday night, anyway?" I ask, elbowing him in the side. "How would Rin feel?"

"How she feels doesn't matter, because I'm not her boy toy anymore." He sighs, his breath visible in the space around us. "We...broke up."

I stop in my tracks, causing him to do the same. "Man. I was going to make fun of you for saying 'boy toy', but now you're making me all emotional and stuff." I slap him on the shoulder for that. "Don't make me feel things."

He forces a smile, though it dips almost immediately. "Sorry...it makes me mad that one day she wants me, and the next she doesn't need me." He clasps his hands atop his head, pleading with the snow clouds. "I'm tired of us being on-again-off-again. My life's already unstable, I don't need my relationship to be."

If my brother were here, he'd give better advice than whatever I could scrape together. He and his girlfriend got along so well after their only breakup. He'd know exactly what to say.

So...what good was I?

"I think that if you really love and cherish her, you'll fight for her. But, you need to do what's best for her…even if it means that you can't do what feels good for you." I know my advice sucked, but I'd been on this end of things only once. See how well that worked out for me.

"Or, maybe she needs to decide what she wants and stop being fickle. I don't know." I wrap my arms around myself, shivering. "I'm really bad at this, aren't I?"

"No. You've given me a lot to think about," he says, removing his leather jacket to throw over my shoulders. The only thing protecting him from the biting cold being his black turtleneck and jeans, versus my school uniform. "Thank you, for hearing me. Everyone wants to hear themselves talk, but they don't usually want to hear someone else have their turn."

I smile, lifting one side of the jacket and telling him to huddle close so that we could both be warm. Despite our height difference, its somewhat effective as I help him get home through the quiet night.

Yoshi? He could wait.

...

I open my eyes to a Saturday morning in a boy's room, their comforter pulled up over my bare chest as I squinted at the aggressive light streaming through the windows. I run a hand over my face, grimacing at the mascara streaking my cheeks.

Yoshi was a keeper alright. Get you a man that lets the sun blind you and leaves you to cry in your sleep while he grabs breakfast. And to think, I could have missed this had I gone home. I would have woken up with a broken heart and an uncertain future, but at least it would have been in the comfort of my own bed.

Just as I throw my legs over the side to stand, a half-naked Yoshi struts into the room with a yawn, moving to search the pile of clothes spilling out of his laundry basket. "I can't wear that...not that one either, the other girl saw me in that last week..." he mutters to himself as he throws shirts and slacks over his shoulder, which (of course) topple onto my head.

"Hey!" I yell, making him jump out of his skin. Did he seriously forget me until I announced my presence. Seriously? I was a walking neon sign, for crying out loud.

"Kuro, what are you doing here?" He asks, hiding an anime tee behind his back. "I thought you left an hour ago, babe."

Kuro? Babe? Was it bad that I wanted to give him a good kick in the you-know-what? Because if it was...I didn't care.

"Just turn around so I can make that happen," I snap, growing more frustrated when he just stares at me. "What?!"

He runs a hand over his hair, his pierced lips lifting into a smirk. "Now I see why I can't get enough of you."

What was he—?

I follow his gaze down my body, screeching when I see that the blanket had slipped in my bout of anger.

"Ugh!" I groan, my cheeks hot. "I told you to turn away. Just, please be a decent human being and do that much at least. Please?"

Before I burst into tears.

He holds up his hands, his tee still wrapped around one, before he finally relents and turns to face the window. "Fine. But I don't really get it. I've seen everything there is to see anyway."

I spring up and hurriedly slip the top over my head, pulling up my uniform skirt. "You're a real jerk, y'know that?" I shove one foot into my doc martens, but can't find the other. My panic spins up at this realization, ducking to look under the bed for the other shoe.

"Mah, don't be like that. I'm just cut and dry, especially with the ladies." He comes around to my side of the room, getting on his hands and knees to help me look. "I thought you'd find my honesty refreshing."

Refreshing as the world's sourest lemon, maybe.

I almost cheer when I find the other shoe under his boxers from the night before. I scramble to my feet after the scavenger hunt I didn't ask for, snatching up my things before taking off downstairs. "I'm leaving, don't keep in touch."

"Kurumi!" He calls, his steps thundering behind me. "Just wait, okay?"

Oh now he knows my name.

I unlock the door and yank it open, startled when he slaps it closed. His arms fence me in as they rest on either side of the door, his face mere inches away from mine. No, centimeters.

"Let me go, Yoshi." I struggle pushing at his chest, growing angrier by the second when he doesn't budge. I beat my fists against him, wanting desperately to escape. "Let me leave, now! I will not hesitate to make your life a nightmare."

"Okay, then!" He exclaims, backing up to allow me room. "Don't keep in touch then, dang. I thought you were hot for me. I figured we could be something."

Yeah, something dangerous and disgusting.

Without saying anything, I closed the door shut behind me and let myself out. I sag against it in relief, glad he didn't have the nerve to follow me.

I needed a better way to fix my problems. Because an idiot, a condom, and a night in a warm bed could only go so far.


	3. Spread Myself Around

**Chapter Three: Spread Myself Around**

After a Sunday spent with my head shoved under my pillow and the blinds drawn shut, I wake up Monday morning at six a.m to my demanding alarm. Why do I wake up at that time? Because I'd snoozed my way through my five a.m. wakeup call.

I run my fingers through my tangled hair, forcing my feet to keep moving until I was showered and seated at my bathroom counter. I shove my freshly washed hair into several sectioning clips, before popping open my giant Hannah Montana level makeup container. It fans out so that I can sort through it for today's necessities; concealer for my circles, blush to make me look a little more alive, mascara and falsies to make my face look less bald. And, the piece de resistance, a touch of cream soda lipgloss.

I put my 'Flirty and Not Thirty' playlist on shuffle, hoping a little sing-a-long would put me back into my Kurumi vibe. Because I had been in my bag way too long.

" _Let's be friends so we can make out...you're so hot, let me show you around_..." I sing, rifling through my brushes.

Sure, the week had been uglier than my acne breakout of freshman year. But if I did all the things the old me would do...eventually I'd start to _feel_ like myself again.

It was basic math, really.

" _I haven't seen my ex since we broke up,_ " I sing at the top of my lungs, brushing foundation along my hairline. " _Probably 'cause he didn't wanna grow up...now I'm out and wearing something low cut..._ "

I wiggle my mascara wand over my lashes. " _...'Bout to get attention from a grownup..._ "

As I smack my lips together, I return my gloss to its container, taking pause. My fingertips hover over my shimmery lips, instantly regretting my flavor of choice as memories of Yuki coming flooding back.

His kisses always tasted like one thing and one thing only...cream soda. It was his favorite soda, ever since we were kids when it was his only solace outside of the main house. Its like how cigarettes are for me. A stress reliever, a comfort, and a constant all at once.

I rip a paper towel off the holder, scrubbing furiously at my lips until every last trace came off with it.

 _It was also the bane of my existence_.

...

After a botched Chemistry lab, a flubbed History test, and an automatic zero on forgotten Geometry homework...lunch arrives.

Its a deceptively beautiful day. Its bright and sunny and full of life, but that was just Tohru's smile as she waved me over from where she sat on the grass. I remove one hand from my lunch tray to wave back, though I stop short when the group surrounding her turns to catch a glimpse.

And the sight of Yuki's watchful gaze is enough to wipe the smile off my face.

Hostility rises within me when he offers a small wave, as if we were on friendly terms all of a sudden.

What was it with boys thinking they could waltz into my life and take what they wanted, leaving before I could tell them I needed their company? That it kept me sane through the minefield of tragedies I'd crossed in this past year.

I frantically look around, hoping I hadn't exhausted all my options.

Yoshi was using some chick's lap as a pillow, being fed red grapes. I couldn't make out who she was as her blonde hair curtained her face, but it still made me sick to my stomach that he was so quick to rebound. He seemed the type to make a big fuss if you decided to leave, but would bang anything with a heartbeat willing to put out.

A group huddled around the sidewalk closest to the school's entrance were all conversing, an energetic lilt heard for miles over. The student council were going over the school budgets and in talks with the homecoming committee about the theme. A group that I almost believed I was only in whenever I dreamed. That's how distant my grief made us.

I _could_ try to be a loner and hide out in the library or at one of the empty picnic tables, but Haru wouldn't stand for that. He'd come find me, throw me over his shoulder like a fireman, and carry me over anyway. I might as well save him the time and the calories he'd burn doing that and just walk over.

As I drag myself over, I pull my tray closer to my body as I feel the weight of other stares on me. Yuki's fanclub knew I posed a threat to their precious rules regarding him, and always gave me trouble when we were actually a thing. Maybe I was a little bit feisty...and, maybe, I almost got suspended squaring off with them last year.

But whether its one person or a group, no one was going to decide who I could or could not be with.

Except...the person I wanted to be with.

"Kurumi!" Momiji calls, bouncing as I take my place between Haru and Tohru. "Deine Frisur gefällt mir! Your hair is so beautiful."

My smile reemerges at the compliment from my favorite energizer bunny. He wasn't exactly my closest friend, but he was one of Haru's. And that made me look after him like I did Kisa.

"Thanks, cutie. But my hair is always this way."

"Ja! But you should try something new, like waves or something." He walks over on his knees, patting my hair as if that would inspire him. "Or maybe a nice black bow would work nicely. You could pull anything off well."

"Hey, you flirting with my girl?" Haru jokes, playfully slapping Momiji on the back. "Only I get to do that."

Yuki's eyebrows pull together in confusion, his lips set into a thin line.

I sober up quickly, dragging my eyes back to my tray. Maybe if I stared long enough at my juice box and cup of noodles, it would distract me from the fear that he knew. That they all knew. Sure, they all heard the rumors, but they never heard from my own mouth what I did with guys. How far I went and with who.

Even Haru was under the impression that I left for a friend's house after I escorted him home. I didn't tell him that, but I also didn't correct it either.

Momiji unwraps a cherry lollipop, blinking his amber colored eyes in consideration. He sticks it out to me, though I just look at it without a clue about what I should do with it. I was deep in thought one moment, next thing I know this curly haired boy was offering me candy.

"You're supposed to take it, silly. Don't you like lollipops?"

I blush, shaking my head as the joke practically wrote itself.

The school slut liking lollipops? That's too easy.

"No," I say, stabbing the crappy straw the school provided into my grape juice. "I'm more of an airhead girl."

"Yeah you are," Kyo says, laughing to himself. When I don't take his bait, he actually starts to look somewhat concerned. "Why aren't you making your usual comebacks? You're the first to call me out on my crap."

I nurse my juice box, choosing a blossoming tree to focus on instead. "I'm not really in the mood to engage with a Walmart version of Garfield the Cat."

He rolls his eyes, though a smirk tugs at his lips. "There she is." He folds his arms, canting his head. "Why do I get a bad feeling about today? Like its about to storm or something. Oi! Rat boy."

Yuki gives an aggravated sigh, nibbling on a finely cut sandwich. "What is it, you stupid cat?"

"Are your joints aching? Is it about to rain?"

I snort, clapping a hand over my mouth. Yuki glances at me from his peripherals, though even he can't help but smile.

I always told him he reminded me of an old lady because of his soft hands and his early bedtime. Not to mention, he was a follow the rules guy. That's one of many areas we clash. I was more of a throw the whole book away kind of girl.

Before I can think too much about this exchange, Kyo's answer comes in the stadium level of pounding footsteps.

"Its Valentine's Day," Yuki adds belatedly, a smug expression completely taking the place of his irritation. "Don't you know that?"

I bite my lip, a lame attempt to stifle my laughter. I knew what this day meant for Kyo…misery for him, and a show for me. Just as I expected, Kyo shot to his feet, sizing up the school grounds for the source of the rapidly approaching footfalls.

"Oh no...I gotta get out of here! Is the roof safe? No, she can probably rappel up there. Underground? No, she'd just dig me out." He groans, anxiously gripping his wild orange hair. "Forget it! I'll just go anywhere but here." Before he can move an inch, a flash of brunette barrels him down, causing them to fall in a tangled heap.

"Get off me, woman!" He hollers. "You're heavy!"

"Are you calling me fat, Kyo?!" Kagura demands hotly, twisting his arm behind his back.

"If it gets you to let me go, then yeah! You are!"

"Why _you_! At least I can fit into my wedding dress. Can you say the same about your tux?"

He turns ashen. "What wedding dress?"

She huffs, pulling his arm until it pops painfully. "The one I'm wearing to our wedding, duh! Now stop being difficult and let me love you!"

This time, I have to laugh. And once I start...I can't stop. I fall to the ground clutching my sides, and laugh even harder when Haru grabs Kagura around the waist to separate them. Drowning out a frantic Tohru pleading that they calm down.

I feel tears stream out of my eyes when Kagura elbows Haru in the nose so he has to let go, allowing her to put Kyo in a chokehold that made him see stars.

I felt bad for laughing at Haru taking one for the team, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't the funniest thing that's happened all year.

As that realization strikes me with hurtling force, Yuki's eyes meet mine. He also couldn't bring himself to wipe the smile off his face at our mutual rival's beat-down. And honestly, it made me forget that I was supposed to be angry at him. Because it was hard to be mad when I was laughing this much.

It was rare for me these days.

I savored every last drop of it until I noticed that we'd been staring at each other so long, my heart started to beat faster on its own. Because those were the same eyes that had filled with passion _for me_ as we fooled around when we were supposed to be watching a movie. It was our third date and we were in the living room at Shigure's, having the house to ourselves. We started off watching the couple on screen, until he looked at me and I looked right back. I reached out to him and he met me halfway, the movie forgotten in the background of our kiss. Things got hot and my shirt wound up halfway up my stomach, his own hair mussed and shirt unbuttoned.

Had Shigure not come home from his visit with Akito...I don't know what would have happened.

I completely shift away from Yuki, terrified of how openly and comfortable he looked staring into me...through me. He was a little too familiar with me for my liking when the last thing I wanted was to let him back in again.

It would hurt.

And I couldn't take any more of that.

...

After school, I arrive at home to my mom hunched over the kitchen table. Two pencils hold her bun in place, her red grading pen tapping pensively against the table's smooth surface. Her readers slip down her nose as she reviews a student's essay, not noticing me until I pop open the fridge in search of an energy drink. Though I end up disappointed and settling for a Coke.

"How was school sweetie?"

Eventful, I guess...

"It was alright."

"And you?" She turns the page, immediately highlighting something. "How are you?"

I sigh, falling back against the fridge door as I uncap my soda with a hiss of air. I wanted to be annoyed that she asked me the same line of questions every day. But she was trying. And that was hard to do when your daughter refused to talk because guilt was eating her alive. Well, when depression wasn't getting its turn, at least.

"Fine."

One word...one syllable was all she got out of me in return.

'It was my fault,' I wanted to say. 'I was the reason Makoto took off on foot at two in the morning. He was coming to my rescue after a party disaster, and he paid for it with his life.'

But I never elaborated. They'd either hate me, fear me, tell me I'm wrong, or all of the above.

I didn't know what sounded scariest.

"That's good," she says absently, cross-referencing the essay and the book beside it. What could I even say, anyway? As far she knew, her daughter was just an average student who was going through a death in the family. But I was too weird to be considered average, and if she ever found out what I did behind closed doors...

I shudder to think about that. I don't know what I'd do if she shut me out and disowned me for what I did. Her opinion meant the world to me.

I couldn't care less if anyone else bought into what was said about me or not.

I'd been called just about everything by the fan club who were a species all their own, and secretly agreed with some of them. The ones that stung the most, though? The lies that other girls believed about my homewrecking rep.

_"Bimbo," a brunette upperclassmen hissed at me, slapping me across the cheek. Her eyes filled with tears of anger, adding, "You're such a whore. Why don't you go bang your own boyfriend and leave mine alone?!"_

_The sad reality was, I had never even met the guy. He'd been cheating with someone else, but used me to cover for her. His girlfriend believed him and went after me instead of the guy that was to blame in the first place._

_But that was how it all worked, wasn't it?_

_I took the fall because I'd been pushed. Not because I took a step over the ledge to begin with._

"Kurumi? Are you alright?" Mom was trying to grab my attention, as I'd been staring off into space as the lips of the coke bottle dangled from my hand.

Remember, Kurumi...you have a role to play. If she knows there's something wrong, you'll only upset her, and then you'll lose her. She'll blame herself, I just know it.

I plaster on a sheepish smile, as though I'd been caught with my hand in a pack of Oreos before eating dinner. "Yeah, you know me. I zone out a lot. But I'm okay."

I'm never okay.

"I'll just...head upstairs," I say, turning to do exactly that when she calls out a reminder.

"Your grandma called asking for you to come visit sometime soon. And, don't forget our rule about going out with your work unfinished!"

Oh...that.

...

That evening I sit on my bed, my chemistry textbook open in front of me, deprived of my attention. I couldn't focus no matter how many of my remaining brain cells struggled along. I would rather be out somewhere, doing things that didn't involve equations and labs. Something distracting enough that I forgot bad memories and ruined reputations. But I knew Mom and Dad's new policy; I had to have _all_ my work done before I could go anywhere.

Ha. That'll be the day.

I pull the drawstrings of my sweatshirt tighter, wanting to scream as the mass of equations moved dizzyingly across the pages.

Couldn't I just look up the answers online or something?

But, that won't help me in labs or on tests...or if my awful teacher decides to call on me the next time I stare off into space. Like its somehow my fault her lessons bore me to tears. She makes a funeral home look like a rager with the way she teaches.

Who could I hit up to tutor me? Haru was a grade behind, so he was out. Kyo and I would strangle each other, so nothing would get done. Tohru wasn't that great at school, and barely scraped by.

Who did that leave, exactly?

I exhale loudly through my nose, unlocking my phone and scrolling through my contacts until I reach the bottom of the list. My thumb hovers over one single name that I couldn't bring myself to delete. I'd tried so many times to delete it, but I was just kidding myself. I still had pictures we'd taken together in the mall's photo-booth stuffed under my bed…

 _Yuki_.

I huff, locking my phone back and letting it bounce off my pillow onto my blanket.

No way.

Not gonna happen.

I'd have to practically be dying of desperation before I reached out to him, of all people.

I slide my textbook back into my lap. I clear my throat, settling deep into my pillows before reading it out loud to myself.

"How many moles of ZnCl2ZnCl2 will be produced from 55.0 g55.0 g55, of ZnZnZ, assuming HClHClH, is available in excess?"

What were we studying? Greek?

I slam the book shut, snatching my phone up to shoot off a text before I can back out.

_Chem is kicking my butt. R u down to help me?_

I squeal, suddenly me from when I first started dating Yuki and got nervous everytime I sent him a risky text. Now all of those felt tame compared to this one, if my irregular heartbeat was anything to go by.

What was I thinking?

He might have seen it already, and just left me on read.

I grab the ends of my pigtails, wanting to tear them out.

I'd forgotten _he_ was the one that stopped returning my messages the last time. He probably blocked my number. But even if he hadn't, I was at his mercy and admitting it.

Just as I'm about to chuck my phone over the balcony of my two-story house, my phone pings.

I hurriedly check the thread, moving through a wall of texts from before.

_Me: Hello?_

_Me: So u just decided ur gnna stop talking to me now?_

_Me: Srsly?!_

_Me: Fine. Never talk to me again. I'm done._

I cringe at how many messages I sent to no response, finally arriving at today's convo.

 _Me:_ _Chem is kicking my butt. R u down to help me?_

_Yuki: Ok. I'll be there in ten minutes._

My heart immediately stops beating, my breath trapped momentarily in my lungs like gears with a rod wedged between them. I inhale sharply to get things moving again, staring at my screen so long that it fades to black.

Did he actually respond?

And—wait...ten minutes? I spring to my feet and take stock of my room, beginning to panic at how much of me was up for display. Little pieces of my heart were laying open and vulnerable to be judged by him.

With only nine minutes, I rush around the room until i'm nothing but a blue blur. Kind of like Sonic, but without the chaos emeralds. Ripped out pages of homework get shoved under my bed, risqué bras are stuffed into my dresser, my mouse slippers tossed haphazardly into my closet. I give it another once-over, before checking my phone again. I had 7 1/2 minutes to make my bed and hide my diary.

I pick up my two peacock colored sequin throw pillows, shoving them on top of my bed after having pulled the blanket up. It was kind of wrinkly, but I was running out of time. My stuffed bear also ends up in the dark abyss that was under my bed, before I tuck my diary between my pillows. With five minutes to spare, I rake a brush and a comb through my hair, I trade my sweatshirt for a black lacy crop top with a zipper down the front, and a pair of matching high-waisted shorts. I scrutinize my questionable reflection, unzipping the front of my shirt until my cleavage spilled out over the top. And immediate regret soon came tumbling after.

Why should I get dressed up for an ex-boyfriend? What was the point in that...? Now that I think about it, why did I even bother with my room?

Before I can dislike myself more and question every choice I've ever made, the doorbell rings. I check my phone again, rolling my eyes with a groan.

Exactly ten minutes had passed.

Of course of he was on time.

He was nothing if not punctual.

Despite not being a morning person and burning something as simple as toast.

I could faintly hear my mom's words of greeting as they spilled out into the hallway. I press my ear to the door, unable to make out their conversation when she calls out, "Kurumi! Yuki's here! He's on his way up, now."

I jump away from the door like its a wall of lava, smoothing my hands over my hair one more time as I heard the stairs creak with approaching footsteps. In a split second, I start freaking out all over again and try to act natural. Should I lay across my bed, like I had forgotten he was coming? Should I have my books already open so he didn't think this was some ploy to get back with him?

He raps delicately on my door, and my brain goes numb. As if I forgot that knocking meant I should open the door.

_Don't you do it, Kurumi. Don't start getting worked up over him. He doesn't deserve it._

I slide the door open, my breath catching as he almost walks into me. His smoky eyes so close to mine that I forget how to breathe again. And for some reason, he also seems to.

Maybe it was his asthma.

"Um..." he takes a step back, shifting my gaze to the books he cradles in his arm, and the flashcards in his hand. "Can I come in, Miss Sohma?"

Hold up.

Miss Sohma?

Is he seriously acting like he doesn't know me?

I step aside in a huff, though a flush comes over me when he brushes against me on the way in. Drawing my eyes to the way his dark polo fit perfectly, and how good he looked in a pair of jeans.

I thought he believed jeans were just strands of DNA.

I slide the door closed the rest of the way, pressing my back against it as I watched him take in my room. His eyes moved past band posters of Sheath, Hard Candy, and EXO until they land on my bed.

I chew on my lower lip, wondering if he could tell that I'd just made it.

"We spent a lot of time in your room," he says, reaching his hand out to the teal comforter. "We had our first kiss, here."

My flush burns scarlet, though I try to shrug off the dizzying surge of feelings trying to crash over me.

"This is also where we had our breakup," I say, a bitterness that's long overstayed its welcome, tainting my tone.

He yanks his hand back, shuffling silently to sit at my desk and crack open a Chemistry book. As if he'd forgotten who we now were until I'd reminded him.

I take it as a cue to cross the room and perch on the edge of my bed, watching as he flipped through several pages to find his place. He jots some things down in a notebook I hadn't noticed, glancing up at me periodically as if checking that I was actually here. That this was not the past, even though the room made it sure feel like it.

"What are you doing?" I ask, grabbing my nail file off my desk to stop letting my mind idle. "I may not do it a lot, but studying usually involves looking at a textbook."

He sighs, his hand pausing in its note taking. "I'm creating a study guide to better help you with the material. I'm simplifying some of the terminology so that I don't have to be here for you to understand it."

My hand stills, my eyes narrowing at the undertone of that statement. "I know I'm not a Chemistry whiz, but I'm not stupid. I just need help with some concepts."

He resumes writing in his meticulous penmanship, his expression flat. "I know you're not stupid. But you don't have time to keep up if you're busy with—" He cuts off, quickly changing gears. "Never mind."

"No, what were you gonna say?"

He just shakes his head, still trying to backpedal. "Forget I said anything."

I toss my nail file back on my desk, folding my arms. "No. Tell me."

 **"** Calorimetry is the study of heat flow. Calorimetry may be used to find the heat of reaction of two compounds or the heat of combustion of a compound."

He thought so little of me that he assumed _that_ would be enough to distract me?

"Wow," I purr, leaning towards him. "Chemistry is pretty sexy when you put it that way."

He chokes on air, his eyes wide. "E-excuse me?"

"You heard me."

He swallows, his eyes flicking to my body before meeting mine again. Had he finished his sentence, I'd have punched him. It was obvious that he was about to say I was too busy getting busy to study.

And, well...that made me angry.

He hurriedly turns back to his notes, reading it off. "A covalent bond is a bond formed by the sharing of electrons by two atoms."

I slide forward on my bed so that our knees touch, watching him squirm. "These are some nerdy innuendos, Yuki. All you have to do is come right out and ask me."

He clasps his hands in his lap, looking away from me. "Ask you what, exactly?"

He wasn't acting shy when he was about to accuse me of banging a new guy every week. Anger burns in my gut, making me act more and think less.

"You know what I think? If you got some, maybe you'd come off your high horse long enough to stop judging me."

"Kurumi, I'm sor—" I cut off his apology when my lips collide with his. I throw my frustration into it, straddling his lap as my hands cup his face.

If he believed those lies about me...and he believed I'm a whore.

Then I'll show him one.

He stiffens, and I open my eyes to look at him. Daring him to see if he had the willpower to stop. He closes his eyes when my tongue darts into his mouth, his hands grabbing me by the waist. I thread my fingers through his hair, feeling the fight to prove something evaporate. I forgot how good his lips and his hands felt on my body. And the way he always smelled like fresh linen candles and flowers from his garden.

His body relaxes as he begins to kiss me back, his fingertips dancing down my waist with a delicacy that makes me moan. It was like being teased with a hint of sensation, even though I wanted heavier touches.

I pull his lip between my teeth, just because I know he liked it and I wanted pay back. When his hands slide down to my thighs to hook them tighter around him, I break the kiss. Coming back to my senses when the gravity of the moment catches up to me.

I scramble off him, leaving him panting and blushing as he stared back at me in bewilderment. And honestly...I was in shock at what I did.

I turn away from him, touching a trembling hand to my kissed up lips. I could taste cream soda on my tongue even after we parted. But to save face, as if I still had the upper-hand, I say, "Its a good thing I'm too busy to study...you don't learn that in Chemistry."


End file.
